I Hate Emotions

I hate emotions. Why do we even have them? Robots don't have to deal with this shit. Or animals.


Right now, I feel like screaming and throwing things. I'm frustrated and irritated. I want to cry and curse at the same time. I blame most of it on pms. But my frustration with studying for this damn law degree makes it ten times worse.

Exams are on and I had four already. One of which was extremely evil and I'll blow up if I have to talk about it. My last one is in 6 days. Counting down to my freedom used to motivate me somewhat. But right now I can't even see the end. This last course is so bloody annoying and I have to study the entire syllabus.

I HATE EXAMS. I ABSOLUTELY HATE THEM!

I don't even want to think about what will happen in September because I am dreading an extra 2 years of law school. After these last 3 years, I am so sick of studying law. I don't like the profession anymore. I don't want a stressful job. I want to live a happy life. 

I'm just so effing irritated. I didn't get any studying done yesterday and hardly any today. And when I was trying to do some reading this afternoon, my sister disturbed me to take her to the supermarket. And that's another thing that's pissing me off. These past two years I've been stuck with her as my roommate here in university and it has been torture for the most part. She's a nice kid but I can't stand sharing this tiny room with anyone or being on this damn nasty hall. And I'm fed up of being responsible for her. When I want to go to the supermarket that is when I will go. Not when she wants to go, putting me on a schedule. 

These next 6 days need to fly bloody fast because I'm on the brink of losing it. Everything is now annoying me. And I don't like to feel this way. I want to be calm and happy. 

I hate emotions. 

Where have all the good men gone?

I think they're all dead. That's where all the good men have gone. Six feet under. Why else can't we find any?

Yesterday, my friend, Nadia told me that Ryan broke up with her. I couldn't believe it. I thought he must have been joking with her but she said it was serious. He had decided to be with the psycho side bitch I wrote about earlier this week here. I was shocked beyond words. It was the dumbest thing I had heard all week. Probably the dumbest in months. It just made no sense. Why would you leave someone who you've been with for four years and who you love very much for a sick, psycho bitch you barely know? I can't even process the thought.

I can't access his brain so I have no idea what he would have been thinking. Whatever it was it was a decision he will very soon regret. Nadia has been through so much with him and their roller coaster relationship. For him to dump her just like that because one psycho side bitch threatened to kill herself is just beyond stupid. You don't leave a sane person for an insane one!!!

I know that all men can't be so stupid. There are intelligent and wise ones. Men who actually appreciate the women in their lives - women who make incredible sacrifices to be with them. It's just hard as fuck to find such men. They are like a whole different species from the men currently in existence.

Where have all the good men gone? Like the dinosaurs, threatened by a hostile exterior force, they must have gone extinct. Or hiding somewhere very far away.

Good men, where art thou? Give a sign so that good women can find you.

Damn Bloody Cleaners

I am a university student. As I have no house of my own here in this country, I'm staying on one of the university's halls of residence. I've been staying on this particular one for the past two years and I absolutely hate it. HATE IT. I don't think there are adequate words to describe the degree of my disgust for this place. I'm in my final semester and I can't wait to get the hell out.

This place is disgusting. It is literally despicable. On the block that I'm staying in, there is only one stove for over 40 people to use. For the entire semester, only one of the burners on that stove was in existence. As in the other three were ripped out, leaving three gaping holes in the stove top. I wish I had taken a picture of it. Only this weekend they decided to replace the entire deplorable eyesore with a new one. Let's see how long this one lasts. The animals who reside here will no doubt destroy it within the month. I don't even want to get started about the single microwave, the fridges that constantly leak floor lakes, and the absence of any real counter space. I would call the health inspectors if my fees weren't all paid.

Anyway, this post wasn't for bitching about the lovely amenities this ghetto hall provides. There'll be another post for that.

This morning I was getting ready for class. All bathrooms are shared in this dump like everything else (including student rooms which is just the worst). It's as if the hall administration has a vendetta against privacy. Anyway, here the toilets are in a room separate from the shower stalls. And there are only 4 stalls of each for over 20 people. Every morning it's a battle to use an available one. One that is relatively clean that is. You can't imagine the horrors I've seen after those nasty bitches use the toilets. It's as if they were raised by beasts. What the fuck is so hard about flushing a toilet????!!!

Anyway, after I had done my business there, I went to shower. The second battle I have to face everyday is the one with the damn bloody cleaners. In the beginning they had a cleaning schedule which I had figured out. But now this semester, these damn bitches are trudging about the place, blocking up the bathrooms any time they feel. The toilets are normally cleaned after 10 am and the showers after 1 pm. But nooooo. Why follow an established schedule? Why allow the students to utilize the bloody facilities that they paid for at hours more convenient for them? Now these cleaners are all about the place at any ole hour of the day.

So this morning I was trying to shower peacefully. I was just about done when the main door opened up and the cleaner came in. She knew I was in there but she didn't care. She proceeded to start making as much noise as possible, banging on the shower stall walls while she scrubbed. If that wasn't bad enough, the cheap pungent smell of the cleaning fluid she was using was revolting. I was so pissed I left without glancing in her direction (I normally tell the waste-of-time pests 'good morning').

I probably sound like a spoilt, ungrateful bitch. But I know I'm not. No one can really understand unless they've been in my position. I grew up in a relatively comfortable home. A very clean one with my own room mostly and the ability to shut and lock the damn bathroom door and use the toilet and shower without having a smelly bitch dropping loads right next to you. It's so bloody unnerving and disgusting! So coming to this hall was like making a queen live with vagrants. I'm not saying that I'm a queen (although I am) but you catch my drift. It's beyond being a downgrade for a person who greatly values privacy and personal dignity. It's degrading.

So it's really those cleaners that pissed me off this morning. They always do but today stood out. If they stick to a convenient schedule it wouldn't be so bad. But these people here do whatever they want and have no real supervision. Complaining gets no results. When they've finished cleaning or whatever, these bitches hang out on the benches outside laughing and carrying on loud conversations as if they belong here and pay residence fees.

They make it so easy for you to dislike and disrespect people in their profession. I do value the work of cleaning staff, I do. But if you choose to do a job, do it damn well and properly! Clean fast then get the hell out and stop inconveniencing busy people. They should be seen and not heard. In fact, they shouldn't even be seen at all.

I'd rather have that robot cleaning bitch from the Jetsons any day. At least she can be properly trained ... or programmed or whatever.

Psycho Side Bitches

I have a friend who's been with her boyfriend for about 4 years. They have what I call a "roller coaster" relationship. One minute they're super happy and completely in love, and the next they're arguing incessantly. And it's a cycle that repeats itself too often.

One of the main reasons why they argue is due to her belief that he doesn't appreciate her. She says that he is always talking to other girls and flirting with them online even after she told him how she felt about it numerous times. Apparently, there is one in particularly whom she absolutely hates. Let's call the hated side bitch Ericka.

So this morning while I was trying to do some reading for class, my phone started plinging off the hook. It was my friend, texting me to say that she wasn't going to attend class today because she was in a mess. Right away I knew it had to be the boyfriend. He's always the reason why she's upset. Let's call him Ryan.

So I asked Nadia (my friend) what was wrong. In the minutes it took for her to respond I was anticipating the paragraphs of texts she would send about the most recent argument they'd had. And I wasn't disappointed. In a whole heap of messages, she basically said that she had given Ryan an ultimatum. He had to choose between her or the hated side bitch Ericka or they were over for good. She said that he had chosen her but then the hated side bitch went super psycho when she found out and began cutting herself. The psycho even threatened to slit her own throat.

Now the whole time I'm thinking:

I told her to tell Ryan to call the police and have nothing more to do with the psycho side bitch. But she said that he didn't want to because he really cared for her (Ericka) and actually didn't want her to kill herself. I was rolling my eyes at this point.

Now, Nadia said she was really upset over the fact that Ryan tried to console the psycho by agreeing to be with her instead of with Nadia. But he told Nadia that he still wanted to be with her nevertheless and didn't want to lose her. Reading this, I was like ... WHAT??

I told her what I thought. If he really decided to turn over to the psycho's side she should leave him for good (She's always threatening to leave him so I figured this would only fall on deaf ears. Which it did of course). I reiterated the point of calling the police or at least calling the psycho's parents (I just assumed she was still living at home). She said that Ryan called Ericka's mother to check on her. I'm not quite sure what happened after that.

Good gosh, I'm getting texts all now even as I type!

Let's see .... Ah, she's afraid he might leave her for good if the psycho starts begging him to be with her.

You know what? At times like these, I am so glad that I am single. We've got final exams in 3 bloody weeks. Neither of us has time for this shit. And I told her that. She's in love with him and they've been together for a long time so it must be pretty hard to think of ending things. But come on!

Is this what love makes a young woman do? Makes you so blind to your own well-being that you accept shitty treatment repeatedly? Makes you value your worth according to what a man thinks of you?

Nadia needs to put some Destiny's Child on replay. Especially "Independent Woman" and "Survivor".

As for that psycho side bitch? Well she's lucky she's not my problem. I'm no psychiatrist but it only takes common sense to deduce that she has deep-seated cerebral deficiencies. She is obviously seriously mentally disturbed and needs a straight jacket and a ride to the nut house. Women like that have no shame, no dignity, no sense of right and wrong. I would dump him just to avoid her if he has no willpower to distance himself from the psycho.

If I were Nadia, I would never tolerate my man disrespecting me like that in the first place. The first time he goes behind my back to continue flirting with his side bitches would be the last. I would dump his loser ass so fast. Men like that want the best of both worlds when they don't deserve either. Ryan needs to grow the hell up and stop being so damn immature. He's got a good woman. She might be a bit of a pushover but every woman has her breaking point.

It's a slow burn ... like a bomb with a 100 mile long fuse ... a slow burn. Then BOOM!

Bitching Because I Can

My life isn't bad. It's quite good in comparison to many other people's lives. All my basic needs are met and then some. I'm grateful for all that I have and for what my parents, my family and God have given me. I just wanted to make that clear.

So why this blog?

I'm pretty good at bitching and shouldn't we work on our strengths? ;)

This is my outlet to vent when I want to. As I said, I'm grateful for what I have. But at the same time, I am entitled to bitch about things in my life that I'm not happy with. We all get frustrated. Instead of beating the crap out of an innocent bystander or doing something else that might land me in jail, I decided to use a more productive means of expression. Wouldn't you agree that blogging is safer?

Here, I'll bitch when I want to. Hell, I might even throw in some overly joyful posts to add flavour. Call me what you like, I don't care. If you are not pleased with what I write then kindly head for the exit. I'm not a performer here for your entertainment. If you happen to be entertained then all the better.

Or in other words:

I'm bitching because I can. Isn't that self explanatory?